The Hour of Homecoming

From the moment we came over the rise, on the roller coaster road that is M-109, in the heart of Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore, I knew I was home. Above us stretched a bright blue sky, on each side of us were sun-bleached sand dunes with tufts of beach grass sprouting from them, and ahead of us sat the most photogenic weathered white barn I had ever seen.  I wasn't a photographer then, just a snapshot taker. I didn't know anything about good light or bad light, composition, POV, the golden hour, ISO; it would be another fifteen years before those words would enter my vocabulary. I just knew I had to get out and take a picture with my pocket-size Fuji film camera.

I have lived in Michigan all my fifty years, never living farther than twenty miles from my childhood home. Somehow though,  I knew that this "up north" place, three hours from where I grew up, was where my heart lived. For twenty-five years I have been trying to figure out what it is about this place, why it captivates me so. With each return, I dig a little deeper into it and into myself.

Our family of three opinionated adults and one sassy golden retriever, just returned from a week of vacation in this place of homecoming.

Vacations tend to fall into one of two camps for me. Either they are vacations of adventure, where I have to figure the place out, consult maps, make wrong turns, get yelled at. Or they are vacations of discovery, where the place is already understood and instead I have time and space to explore who I am in it.

We tend to stay in the same small area every time we go up north, either nestled on the edge of a small lake, or the edge of a golf course. This time, our daughter, one of the opinionated adults, convinced us to try someplace new, father north than we usually stay, located in the middle of farm country, open fields on every side, a step out of our comfort zone. This put me farther from the places that I always photograph, favorite places, another step out of comfort.

Having learned the importance of the "golden hour", I was up before the sun every morning. The sassy golden retriever, hearing the creak of the wooden floorboards, joined me. I would put on my winter coat, my warm paisley rain boots, secure my headlamp to my head, and open the back door to the frozen landscape. We would crunch through the refrozen snow, climb the rise to the west of the house, and wander along the ridge line. He would pretend to track wild animals until he finally did his business. Then, we would turn back toward the warm glow of the house so he could eat and return to bed with my daughter. I would make tea in the white mug I had claimed for the week, write in my journal, then gather my camera gear that was waiting by the door, and head out into the predawn light to scrape the ice from the windows of my car.

To be continued...

Part Two of this will be next week. I have too much I want to say for one post, and too many photographs I want to share. Until then here is a short film of our first day of vacation, you can get a good sense of the farmhouse and area around it.


Leelanau - April 21, 2018 from Sarah Huizenga on Vimeo.

The Secret Life of Sadie Powers

Prompt: Citrus

August 2015, I participated in Susannah Conway's August Break, a published list of daily prompts meant to build community on social media. You were suppose to take a picture each day that somehow symbolized that prompt and then post it on Instagram or FaceBook. Always the overachiever, I decided to take the list and do thirty-one days of self-portraiture photography.

Prompt: Sweet Delights

My blogging adventure began after taking the NOW YOU e-course on self-portrait photography, that was six years ago. My personality is not one that should like being in front of the lens, although INFP's top two professions tend to be writer or actor...hmmm. I chose photography in the first place, for my life after work, so I could be behind the lens. But something from that very first class sucked me into this creative, alternate world.

Prompt: In the Distance

That August, I fell head-over-heels in love with the challenge of story creating, finding my best body angles, mastering focus, and scene set-ups. I gave the series it's own hashtag #herlifeinvignettes. I began to think of myself as a character.

Prompt: Notebook

One morning while writing in my journal, my character suddenly had a name...Sadie Powers. I have no idea where it came from. I don't know any Sadie's or anybody with the last name Powers, but Sadie Powers it was.

She seemed to come to me as a muse, a cross between my favorite great-aunt Viola and Vivian Maier, the reclusive street photographer, who I had recently learned about. My great-aunt instilled in me a deep fascination for an earlier age, a love for unique(old) places and things, hard-to-find treasures. Vivian's photographs emulated that era of curiosity for me. There are actually a lot of similarities between my great-aunt and Vivian Maier, both never married, both were devoted to children, both loved to travel, both documenters of a vanishing time through collecting memorabilia and photography.

Prompt: Two

Initially, I thought I was suppose to write a book about Sadie and her adventures. But, if I have learned anything about myself in the last two years, it is that while I am capable of writing, I am not capable of sitting for long periods of time at my desk. For over two years, Sadie has been patiently biding her time.

Since I began making short films at the beginning of this year, Sadie has snuck down out of the attic, ready to start her adventures once again.

The following is Sadie's film debut...


Idle Hour from Sarah Huizenga on Vimeo.

 It will be interesting to see how her story unfolds...

Prompt: Close Up

I have returned to prompt lists found on Pinterest, hunting down costumes and props, and developing the story.

Adventures of a Wanderer

Last fall, unhindered for the first time in my life, I made the most of my days. I tried to get out at least once a week for an adventure, and at long last did an overnight solo adventure. I revisited all my favorite places; how had a year gone by since I had last seen them. I also discovered some hidden gems.

Then last November happened. My mom collapsed from an aortic dissection, had emergency surgery and spent a month in the hospital and rehab. When I was in the midst of it, I was sure that I would never be able return to my adventurous life.

Eventually though, the fog cleared and everything returned to a new normal.

One good thing that came out of that time was the conversations I had with my dad as I drove him back and forth to the hospital to visit mom. After the initial recounting of details of how it all happened, we settled into conversations about his growing up years, and about his parents and grandparents. I had always known that my great-grandparents had lived a lot of places, but I didn't know that it was all my great-grandpa's idea. He would start a business, run it for a few years and then sell it, move someplace else, and start a new business, repeating the cycle over and over again. He even earned the nickname "the German gypsy". This was a glimpse into my soul.

Spring is here. I am still mostly unhindered, except for the cell phone that is always tucked into a pocket. Let's go explore some of my favorite places...




I hope that everyone has a joy-filled Easter next week. I will see you in a couple of weeks.

Solo Adventure

"Traveling for the sheer joy of it down a country road is a sweet search for things that are elusive; a quest for yesterday's pace and peace. Adventure for the sensitive."

                                                                             ~Doris Scharfenberg, Country Roads of Michigan

Four years ago I did a series here on the blog called Back Roads Adventures. I took a detailed map of all the different counties here in Michigan and began plotting different drives. All the roads began with the initial M (Michigan Road) or B (which probably doesn't stand for back road, but I can pretend). These roads were desired over roads that started with US (United States) or the worse of the letters, I (for Interstate).

Some of these M and B roads have become dear old friends, and I try to drive them at least once a year, usually in the Autumn so I can enjoy a fall color tour at the same time.

The one that calls me the loudest is B-35; a drive through small farming communities, past muddy cow pastures and golden corn fields. Even though it seems like just a scenic drive, there is a destination on this road, an old school house that is slowly, or quickly depending on the year, falling into decay. I pray every year that it is still there, so I can photograph it one more time, document the changes.

Four years ago, I would turn down any back road I came across, but I have found myself getting more hesitant to go out on driving adventures. It is so easy to just stay around home and not venture very far. But at forty-nine, I don't want my world getting smaller already. So I made a hotel reservation for an area of Michigan I haven't been to before, one night away seemed a good way to ease into it.

Last week when I set off on my first solo adventure since driving to Pennsylvania two years ago, my destination was east, across the state of Michigan, but somehow I found myself driving north first. Mainly to avoid those nasty US and Interstate roads, but also to set the mood for this solo adventure. The night before I left, I had a vision for the self-portrait that opens this blog post and I knew the perfect place to take it, the gravel road next to the decaying school house. The captured image turned out pretty close to what I envisioned; first time for everything.

There are a few things I will change for my next adventure:

1. One night wasn't quite long enough, so next time I will do two.
2. Less driving; spending more time in a few specific locations.
3. My favorite images from this trip are the self-portraits, so I will do more of those next time.
4. More research on a area, so I will know specific locations I want to explore.

There probably won't be any more solo overnights this year, but I am going to go out on some day adventures this fall. Getting started is the hardest part, now that that is conquered I know I can do more. 

Sketches

I signed up for Vivienne McMaster's year long self-portrait photography class Body Peace 2017 when it was first advertised last fall. The first class started January 1st and ran for 15 days, then we had a 15 day break before the second one started February 1st. In my mind this was an ideal schedule; 15 days on, 15 days off to catch up on the few lessons I may have fallen behind on.

I started out strong, as I always do with on-line classes, obediently working on each day's prompt.

The class is intended to help us, especially women, to be more accepting of the body we have right now. Always the rebel in a group, I also choose to use the prompts as starting points for well-thought out, creative self-portraits. Now don't think that I don't have body issues I need to deal with because I do, but for me it is about becoming a better self-portrait photographer as well. It is amazing the details you pay attention to when you are the subject of your photograph.

My self-portrait creative perfectionism meant that I could only shoot with my Canon dSLR, no iPhone allowed. That perfectionism carried me for about three days, after that life got in the way, as it always does. I no longer had an hour each day to set up the perfect vignette. So instead of loosening my criteria and adapting to what life was at the moment, I quit. I didn't do any more lessons for January, and in February when life got even crazier, I didn't even start.

But here's the thing, I'm not a quitter. So when March 1st came around, I opened my Morning Pages journal and did some soul searching:

• I paid for this year long class, so stop wasting the money
• I enjoy the prompts - they make my creative mind start working again
• I love the community and sharing with other classmates
• I need to find a way to adapt

So I slid off my creative high-horse and I got out my iPhone, my GorillaPod tripod for my phone and my remote shutter release and set about doing the daily prompts.

When I was having my weekly Skype conversation with my friend Leon of Sea Blue Lens, I was lamenting to her about lowering my standards but at least getting it done. I also said, the ones I really like I can go back and take with my Canon. Then she said "It sounds like you're doing sketches with your phone". There is was! The artistic term that I needed to make it alright to shoot with my iPhone. I am an artist and I understand things in artistic terms, the term "sketches" made it creative. Thank you Lee, you are a Godsend, in so many ways.

So now I happily get my iPhone out almost every day, some days I have to do a couple prompts to catch up, but I am keeping up. When I have extra time I do get out my dSLR, making vignettes like the one above that actually made Flickr's In Explore, which surprised me to say the least.

But my favorite one thus far is this one, taken with my iPhone while messing around with the grand puppy. There is no way I would have been able to take this with my big camera.

The takeaway - If you need to give something a different name to make it work for you, do it! The most important part is not to quit. You will be creatively blessed by staying the course.

Embody

"Dance like no one is watching,

Sing like no one is listening,

Love like you've never been hurt,

Live like it's Heaven on earth."

~Mark Twain

I love self-portraiture photography! I LOVE the shocked look on peoples' faces when I tell them I am taking a self-portrait photography class.

Last year I did quite a bit of self-portrait work with Vivienne McMaster and the various e-courses she offers on the subject. I loved the challenge of figuring out best body angle for the camera. I loved figuring out the technical stuff, i.e. focus, depth of field, perspective, post-processing. I loved the confidence I gained in my skills and myself by doing the work.

So many of the self-portraits I took last year I treasure deeply, especially the ones I took with my dog Scout. Although he is no longer with us, I have these precious photos forever.

This year there hasn't even been a hint of self-portrait photography, not that Vivienne hasn't been offering classes, she has, and I have been tempted by a couple of them, but in the end I always said "no", I wasn't ready. That all changed at the end of October when an email from Vivienne popped into my inbox. She was offering a new e-course called Embody - Getting our whole body into the frame. I personally would prefer to have my whole body in the frame, that fits the story of my photography.

I read the email and immediately signed up. The course started November 1st and ran for fifteen days. The perfect amount of time. The course came with daily encouragement emails, a prompt to work on for the day, and a private Flickr group for sharing our work. I love community.  But I always feel like a masquerader in these groups, I don't struggle with the body issues that many are working through. But...if I am completely honest with myself, I signed up for the full body self-portrait class because I would rather shoot my whole body, positioned the way I know I can to make it look thinner, than take a close-up of my face. Maybe I do belong in this community after all.

Self-portraiture photography is a lot like riding a bike, once you learn you never forget, so it didn't take me long to get back in the swing of it.

It was interesting once I finished the course to look back and see the progression in myself. I started out wearing the same Patagonia fleece everyday, most often either in hiking pants or yoga pants, which given that I am an active outdoor person is a true reflection of me. I incorporated the daily shot into my normal daily routine. But by Day 4, I picked a location with intention, brought my tripod, used my past experience to get great light and good focus. Then by Day 7, I was setting up scenes and picking outfits. The wardrobe selections continued to ramp up from there, the last day I wore one of my favorite outfits. Once the class was done, I went shopping. I shopped with intention, thinking about how an outfit would look in a self-portrait.

I have been toying with the idea of a 52 week self-portrait challenge for 2017, although I had convinced myself this week that that was a dumb idea. I already had a 52 week photography project I was working on, I didn't need two. Then, of course, the next email arrived. Vivienne is doing a year long self-portrait photography class called Body Peace. I am an epic fail at year long classes. But...self-portraiture photography is the reason this blog began in the first place. What if 2017 was the year that I finally completed a year long class because it was the right year long class...

I guess I will be working on those close-up, face issues in eight 15 day e-courses over the next year, or I will be wearing a Burqa for a whole year. Stay tuned...

My Vivian Maier Day

Caribbean music plays in the distance, a refreshing breeze blows across my face. I am pleasantly warm, but not sweaty. A perfect day at the beach.

Suddenly my eyes pop open, those aren't the sounds of the Caribbean I hear in the distance, that is my alarm. I reach over the side of the bed, grab my phone off the charger and tap the screen to stop the music. I look at the time on the screen, ten minutes after five. I have been sleeping through my alarm for ten minutes. How did that happen? Then I remembered, last night before going to bed, I had set the fan on medium instead of low, to help clear the stuffy air out of the bedroom. Obviously medium is much louder.

I don't have to be anywhere early, I just don't like to deviate from my normal routine.  I lie back on my pillow. I was having the best dream, in it I was Vivian Maier, the mysterious street photographer of the 1950's and 60's. She built an intriguing and sometimes haunting body of black and white street photography work over her lifetime, a body of work that wasn't discovered until after her death. I have been fascinated with her story since the moment I heard it, to have such amazing work and never share it, seems so sad.

Vivan also had a unique talent for captivating self-portraits. These were often captured in the reflections of building windows and doors. I envision myself as Vivian Maier every time I take my own self-portraits.

I recently spent the day in Michigan City, Indiana. Another place that has been on my bucket list for a long time. For the past twenty years I have made almost yearly trips to Michigan City, not to photograph, but to shop. There is huge outlet mall there, the first of it's kind in our midwest area. I would stare longing out the car window as we drove through the deteriorating downtown, the storefronts boarded up, with peeling paint, and crumbling bricks.  Buildings like those give me the same rush that a heroin addict probably feels when they press the contents of the needle into the vein of their arm.

For twenty years I tortured myself by driving by those buildings in favor of bright, shiny and new. Bright, shiny and new really isn't my thing.

As I stood on the corner in front of my first high of the day, I wondered what people thought as they saw me photographing an old derelict building. Were they curious? Were they envious? Were they suspicious? As I knelt on the pavement in front of that former barber shop, photographing it from every angle, I envisioned a documentary photographer following me around for the day, capturing me capturing the things I love. Not that I enjoy having my photograph taken, I would just like to see what other people see as I photograph.

Where I deviate from Vivian Maier is that I would like for people to see my work before I die. I would like to have conversations about it, and about their work. I want to encourage others to do the things that give them those euphoric moments, just as photographing old buildings does for me.

Lessons in Observation - Winter Storm Warning

The weather service has issued another winter storm warning. Since when has 3-5 inches of snow merited a winter storm warning? Have we become wimpy here in Michigan? Maybe it is the lack of snow this year that has created this new panic, anything more than an inch or two seems like a blizzard. As I sit here by the window preparing for a morning of writing, drinking my freshly brewed coffee, I watch the parade of pickup trucks with snow plows attached travel up and down the road. The snowmen are hungry for snow, hungry for the money clearing other people's driveways brings them. As I watch the snow gently fall, I realize this is the prettiest storm I have every seen. 

**I am in a writing class called Story Slices. Creating bite size stories about every day observations. I am hoping to turn these into a new series - Lessons in Observation. Some many turn out to be longer; reminiscent of The Coffee Shop Chronicles days. I know this is a style of writing I want to get back to, without always having to go to a coffee shop to write them. I have also started an additional Instagram account @herlifeinvignettes, which I will be using as a working creative space for story ideas and life observations. 

August Was...

August was... filled with adventures, discoveries, learning and photography.

August was the first month this year that I started the month with the intention of being devoted entirely to photography, no writing classes in sight.

August began with the start of my 365 day self-portraiture photography project.

It began strong. I carefully plotted out the set-up everyday using the prompts from Susannah Conway's August Break.

Just as her husband suspected, she spent her afternoons sunbathing, sipping lemonade with lime and eating bonbons. Word prompt is: Citrus

Somewhere, between day three and day four, something shifted. I realized I was developing a character for my self-portraits. I started writing short stories in the third person that went with the scene I was photographing. I was creating short story vignettes, and I totally fell in love with this new creative process.

No matter how many times she stepped on the scale, the numbers remained the same. Word Prompt is: Numbers

Now things couldn't keep sailing along so easily could they? Something had to cause a problem that I would need to solve. I keep reminding myself, this is why I love photography, it is a constant challenge.

It is a sweet delight to spend Wednesday mornings with her beautiful girl prowling the farmer's market, looking for fresh from the garden bounty. No adventure is complete without a stop at the coffee stand and a linger in the park. Word prompt is: Sweet Delight

The problem: to create the vignette I envision each day, not every vignette is going to be as good as I would like, if I am in the photograph. Kind of a problem since this is suppose to be a 365 day self-portrait project.

She was no longer on the edge of seventeen, but she was not too old to live an adventurous life. Word Prompt is: Edge

I wrestled with the problem for at least a week. Many of my daily Morning Page writings were filled with ideas for a solution. I could soldier on and keep myself in the photographs and settle for mediocre on some days, which would not bring me happiness. I knew that for certain, having already done a few of those. Or...

She loves quiet mornings spent journaling and drinking tea - She is a plant killer, so her daughter has taken over their care - She loved to read - She loves to collect vintage cameras - She is not above bribing the dog so he will pose with her.  Word prompt is: Five Things

I could restart the 365 day photography project on September 1st. As much as I hated the idea of losing a month's worth of work, and some photos that I really loved, the need to keep this creative happiness that I had found, overrode the loss of that work.

So starting today, September 1, 2015, I am beginning anew my 365 photography project called Her Life in Vignettes (working title). Some photos I will be in, some I won't, but each photo will tell a story, which is what I am most excited about. I will be using the prompts from Ali Edward's 31 Things for the month of September and the first day of October.

Just the two of them. More adventures behind them than ahead of them, but that's alright, they are content to sit quietly together and watch the grass grow.  Word Prompt is: Two

While it might seem defeating to some that I wasted a whole month, for me it was a month of discovery. I never would have found this direction if I hadn't of jump into a self-portraiture 365 project with both feet.

And it is totally alright to make changes along the way, that is how you discover your truest passions and stay true to yourself.

The Gap Year

It has been almost a year since I finished my first, and what I vowed to be my last, 365 photography project.

I feel like when I started that project on September 1, 2013, I was not a particularly good photographer. Looking back through my 365 album for that project confirmed, at least in my mind, that conclusion. It wasn't a total bust, there was a good one here and there, but that was mostly due to pure luck, not skill. Most days I was taking a picture of something, anything, just to cross that action off of my to-do list for the day.

The thing I was missing the most that year though wasn't skill, it was intention. I rarely had a plan, I mostly just pressed the shutter and called it good.

In this gap year, I have learned a lot. I have learned a lot about photography from endless reading, and video e-course watching, but mostly I have learned from practicing, still almost daily practice, but practice with intention.

I have brought my composition skills to new heights, following the rule of thirds almost religiously. I did a 100 day project on Instagram showcasing leading lines. It is amazing what you can see when you look with intention.

I still have so much to learn about post-processing, but it is only with daily practice that that skill will continue to improve. I am currently in a black and white phase, and I am working on mastering converting my images myself instead of relying on a preset. Somedays, as beautiful as some of those presets are, they just can't give me what the photograph is asking for.

In the last half of this gap year, I have been learning a lot about myself. For the first four months of 2015, I pursued writing whole-heartedly, only to learn that my passion truly is photography. Sometimes you have to take the longest route possible to find your way home.

Since February, I have been intentionally immersing myself in self-portraiture work. I have learned so much about light and shadow, angle and movement, about myself and my camera since beginning this self-portrait adventure. I see my own unique style starting to develop, I know where I want to take my style, but as Ira Glass says in his famed You Tube interview "there is still that gap" from where my work is and where I want it to go.

All that being said, my next project has found me. On Saturday, August 1st, I am going to start a 365 project of self-portraiture. The project idea found me this past Wednesday, and by Thursday I had almost talked myself out of the project, thinking this is a crazy idea that I will never stick with for a whole year. What was talking was fear. I am reading David duChemin's book The Visual Toolbox: 60 Lessons for Stronger Photographs and I came across this quote as I was reading "Courage is not the absence of fear; it's the act of will to act in the presence of fear. So, to be blunt, either work up the courage to do it, or don't. For most of us our fear is strongest where we have the most to lose, so hold it lightly."

No matter what, I am going to come out of this next year stronger, and hopefully a better photographer, but I will never be either of those things if I don't at least try.

Inspiration Sources

Ira Glass' You Tube Interview

David duChemin's book: The Visual Toolbox: 60 Lessons for Stronger Photography

Great Video E-courses

Outstanding Composition: How to blow away your audience

The Art of Black and White Photography