Daughters and Butterflies

Daughters and butterflies; beautiful, delicate creatures that we want to hold in our hands and protect from the world. But, if we hold too tightly, we end up damaging their fragile wings. Instead, we must provide a firm foundation for them to strengthen their wings upon. Then, when they are ready, let them go to soar upwards toward their own bright blue sky.

My daughter, Mallory, took a day off from work last week and suggested that we go visit the butterfly exhibit at the Frederik Meijer Gardens in the city. I had been wanting to go anyway, and it is more fun to go with someone, especially when that someone is your daughter.

I rarely get the chance to photograph her, being a stubborn child who prefers to stay out of the limelight. But trapped in a building, and with momma paying, she had little choice.  The outing also gave me a chance to use my 85mm lens, a lens I fall in love with every time I use it. Why don't I use it more?

There are over 60 species of butterflies from Asia, Africa, and Central & South America in the exhibit this year.

This is the Common Morpho butterfly. The underside of the wings have the most intriguing brown coloring and "eye" spots, but the topside of the wings are a breathtaking iridescent blue.

For the breath of a second, one landed on my sweater.

I made a short film of our day, much to my grumbling daughter's protest. If she only knew the joy that it brings to my "momma" heart to have this time together. Soon enough there will be someone else special in her life. I want to remember these fleeting, iridescent days.


Butterflies and Daughters from Sarah Huizenga on Vimeo.

February

The other day while washing dishes, I glanced out the kitchen window at the gray, gloomy, soggy backyard and noticed the silhouette of a robin hop between two spruce trees near the edge of the pond. Seeing that robin hop made me happy for two reasons: First, the hope of spring. Second, I am learning to see movement.

For the past six years, I have trained my eye to look for stillness, actively seeking calm. Don't we all want more calm in our lives?

 As I embark on this film making journey, I am learning to see differently. Short films of still landscapes are not the most riveting to watch.

Findley has been a willing participant in my films, but I have to get over my fear of filming my family, afraid of their reaction to being on film. I am also learning that I can be in the moment and also capture the moment.

If you know anything about me by now, you will know that to me a little knowledge is good, but a lot of knowledge is so much better. In that spirit, I signed up for a second Xanthe Berkeley film class, Make Films: 12, which actually dovetails extremely well with the first class Make Films. This second class expands on what is learned in the first class, and we work on different month long themed projects.

After my summer in the meadow last year, the joy and satisfaction of working on longer projects really took root. I love not feeling rushed, taking the time to tell the story to the best of my ability.

Here is my first project film - the theme is Audio is the Hero...

February was: snowy, filled with friends and a trip up north for a wine tasting weekend, snowy, and a kitchen make-over begun. Hoping March has a little more sunshine and less snow. February 18 was Findley's birthday. He is two already, can you believe it? If we aren't friends on Facebook or Instagram and you haven't seen the slideshow I put together of Fin's first two years you can watch it here...

End Notes

I would love for you to visit my blogging friend Jill Ruskamp here. Jill is taking the Make Films course too. What she is doing with black and white is fabulous, and I have already seen so much growth in her films. She made this one to celebrate her 54th birthday. I will be 50 in June and I want to do something similar. What a great way to document a life event.

The kitchen remodel began this week. Old countertops and backsplash out. New countertops and sink in the next day. Sink hooked up the day after that. Cabinets refreshed on Friday (they look amazing). Backsplash coming next Tuesday. I may have found new pendant lights, that will be determined this weekend. Next steps: electrician, ordering the flooring, new half bath vanity, and order the refrigerator. No going back now.

Remodeling

They came to measure for our new kitchen countertops this past week.

This remodel has been five years in the making. First, we had to save the money so we could pay cash. Second, we were waiting for Scout to pass on, so that the remodeling wouldn't be hard on him. Third, we were trying to make up our minds how long we will live in this house yet, because that determined how much we would spend and how much we would remodel.

Well, the money is all there and then some. Scout crossed the rainbow bridge over a year ago. We have decided we will probably be here another five years or so. We have scaled back from a total gut job with a price tag of $50K to a much more reasonable refresh of under $15K.

The decisions have been made, the money has been paid, and the process has begun. We are keeping the oak cabinets and having them reconditioned. But I am getting quartz countertops, tile backsplash, and new laminate wide wood plank flooring.

When we first moved into this house over fourteen years ago, I thought this would finally be my dream kitchen - a farmhouse kitchen, with a large white farmhouse sink, granite countertops, natural stone backsplash, chef grade appliances, and dark wide-planked wood floors. Fourteen years ago, I enjoyed cooking much more than I do today.

It was our intention to replace these countertops much earlier than is actually happening. I have never liked them from the start. Too light, to textured, too chipped, too dated. But, once you start thinking about replacing one thing, you realize then you need to replace another thing, so we did the easiest thing - nothing. Well, nothing time is over and it is time for something, a lot of somethings.

As I waited for the countertop measurers to come, I began to really think about these countertops. How many friends and family have sat in these chairs over the years, sharing stories while meals were prepared. How many years of newspaper ink is ground into the countertop. How many meals I have produced here, always complaining about the bad lighting. The dog paws that have rested on the edge of the counter, Scout was a bad one for counter surfing. All these memories made me get out my camera and take some photographs to document our past. Our past with this kitchen, with these countertops, with these chairs. The good thing is that we have at least five years to make memories with the new kitchen.

End Notes

Glen and I finished our Whole 30 food challenge strong. And then right afterwards we went away for the weekend.




Other than wine, and trying a couple things that had been on the do not eat list for January, we found ourselves mostly sticking to our Whole 30 way of life. We are now exploring a mostly Paleo lifestyle.  The one downside of Whole 30 was the lack of a social life while on it, gatherings and fellowship involve food. We are happy to be able to dine out again, just trying to make smarter choices.

I briefly hit a brick wall with my 365 photography project this past week - Day 156. I really, really wanted to quit. I was uninspired, there was nothing to photograph anywhere. But then I thought - 155 days in, I can't quit. So I took a photograph of a dictionary page with the word light on it. It was boring, but somehow that light got in me, I picked up the camera the next day and started photographing my kitchen.

Happiest Place on Earth

Photo Credit: Mallory Huizenga

It has been 2-1/2 years since we took a family vacation. We have been planning a vacation to the happiest place on earth for the last six months. The reservations were all made, the flights books, all of it paid for in full. Then a week before we were due to leave my mother had emergency heart surgery, and thoughts of a week in the sun flew out the window.

My sister-in-law encouraged us to hold off on canceling our trip until we saw how mom was doing. We set a deadline of Wednesday, three days before we were due to leave, to make our final decision. Thanks to amazing surgeons, hospital staff, my mom's feisty demeanor, and the grace of God, my mom made fast and steady improvement. We knew she would still either be in the hospital or the rehab facility while we were gone, so my dad wouldn't be dealing with her on his own at home. So with my dad's insistence, and my brother and sister-in-law's blessing we flew out early Saturday morning for our family vacation to Walt Disney World.

The last time we were at Disney was October of 2009, Mallory was still in high school then, now she is 24 and has been out of college for over two years. In 2009 the economy was not great, The Great Recession in full swing, more families were doing staycations then traveling. In 2017 Disney was different and we were different.

The economy has recovered well in those eight years. We saw many large family groups (all with matching Disney t-shirts) in every park we went to. In 2009 we could get off a ride, wait 15 minutes and get back on again, in 2017 we could get off a ride and wait two hours to get back on again. Thank goodness for fast passes.

Also we had to navigate Disney as three adults, not two parents and a child. It had its challenges but by the end of the week we had found a good rhythm.

At the end of most trips we always reflect on favorite things and things we would do differently, so here are some of those reflections:

Favorite Things:

Resort - Port Orleans Riverside
Our budget-friendly All-Star Resort days are long behind us. Since then we have tried a few different resorts, all wonderful in their own way and this trip was no different. This time we stayed at Port Orleans - Riverside. As an early morning walker, I love a good walking path and this resort had a great one along the river. We don't spend a lot of time at the resort, so pools and restaurants are not a big concern. BUT... the very best thing about this resort was the mattress. I have struggled with back problems my whole adult life, and traveling and sleeping in hotels can be a challenge. But this mattress was out of this world, every morning I woke up feeling well rested and had not a single ache or pain, even after walking 10-13 miles for the day and standing on concrete. I am on the hunt for this mattress for my own bed.

Attractions
Our family favorite is still the Safari in Animal Kingdom, we probably saw the most animals we have ever seen this trip.

Glen and Mallory loved Avatar the new ride in Animal Kingdom, that was their favorite. I am proud of myself that I did the ride, but I will stick with Soarin' as the gentler favorite of a screen/movement ride.

Classic favorites are Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, and It's A Small World.

Restaurants
We are a family who loves food, so restaurants and restaurant experiences make a difference to us.
Favorite - Artist Pointe at Wilderness Lodge. Great attention to Mallory's lactose sensitivity, wonderful service and the food...
Second Favorite - Biergarten in Germany at Epcot. Again, great attention to Mallory's sensitivity, great buffet and the experience of sitting with other families at our table, always a delight.

Things to do different:

Resort - Next time we would probably stay at Wilderness Lodge and possibly rent a cabin on the water, and spend more time at the resort.

Restaurants - Next time we would plan our restaurants to coincide with the park we are at for the day, makes it easier to stay for fireworks. Or if we stayed at the cabin on the water, we could cook some of our own meals.

Cruise - We would also consider doing a Disney Cruise next time, if there were grandchildren on the trip, but that is a ways away yet ;)

Highly Recommend:
Our Disney Travel Planner Lisa Koedyker - lisa.imallearsvacations@gmail.com
Lisa lives in my town, so I had the pleasure of meeting her in person, but she can help you with your trip no matter where you live. I left a lot in Lisa's hands and she was awesome, including having to work with our family emergency. I can't thank Lisa enough for everything.

We will be taking another family vacation next year and have already started working on it, but this one will be closer to home. The plan is to rent a cottage on a lake up north for a week, a cottage that is dog friendly so then Findley can come too. 

In The Blink of An Eye

In the blink of an eye. Before and After.

All those cliche sayings that seem so trite until you have your own before and after. One moment you are picking up the latest round of sticks and small tree limbs that have impelled your front yard from the last fierce wind and driving rain. Loading them into the wheelbarrow to add to the huge mound already piled next to your fire pit, wishing that the timer that you set for  thirty minutes would hurry up and sound so you could take a break and get a drink of water. The only way you get through this tedious task, is to do it in increments of half hours. Your watch rings, you have left your phone in the house, happy to be away from it for just a little while. You see it is your dad, he probably just wants to know if you need help with your leaves. You let it ring through to voice mail, knowing he would never hear you talking on your watch, and it seems too James Bond anyway.

Your dad leaves a voice mail, and your thirty minute timer sounds, so off to the house to get a drink and listen to the voice mail. As you walk towards the house another number rings on your watch, one you don't recognize, but you have a not so good feeling when you see it. You hurry faster to the house to get your phone, to listen to the voicemail.

Your dad's voice. Words... Mom, Emergency Room, Heart

You try to call him back, get nothing. You try that other number - the Hospital. Same words...Mom, Emergency Room, Heart.

Last week Thursday, my mother suffered a tear in her aorta artery. She was rushed to the heart center in the city, and emergency surgery was performed. New valve and a graft to replace the section of the aorta that had the tear. Thus far she is recovering well, and the doctors are pleased with her progress. Lots of unknowns at this point, but to add one more cliche to the story; we have a long road ahead.

Practicing Slow

I just finished a book that I can't stop thinking about, Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner. Erin is a Lifestyle Blogger who shows us through her blog what a beautiful life we can all have. The book however, takes us behind the curtain, into Erin's real life, a life anything but always picture perfect. Her honesty, and writing won me over from the first chapter.

But it is the title that I keep coming back to Chasing Slow, something I am forever doing. My middle name is Get It Done, I can enjoy it later. But what if later never comes, how many things have I sped through to cross them off my list...done.

Slow is never going to be easy for me. I take after my dad, a man in his eighties still out cutting firewood to add to the multiple rows of firewood he already has. And maybe that is what keeps my dad going and why he is still alive in his eighties. But when we were sitting in the hospital waiting room last summer we talked, there are so many things he wishes he had done. I don't want to have those same unfulfilled wishes in my eighties.

This week I took my first step toward practicing slow. I went to the Garden Center, to buy some plants for the weed-riddled flower bed I pinky promised my husband I would maintain this year. Instead of buying the first plants that met my criteria: full sun, not too tall, long blooming. I took my camera and wandered. I did ask permission to photograph first, which was met with a pleasant, "Of course you can, and if anybody gives you any trouble send them to me". My new best friend Kathy, doesn't know what beast she just unleashed.

What did I discover as I wandered? I love containers more than plants. Put a plant in a container and then I am in love with it. I never would have discovered this if I wasn't practicing slow.

 Photographing flowers in my own garden, or anybody else's garden will never delight me, but let me loose in a garden center with plants in pots, or just pots, and I could really start to enjoy gardening.

I am going to keep practicing slow at the garden center, because that weed-riddled flower bed needs a lot of help, and I want to see what other revelations slow reveals.

The First Turning

I skipped church today, but I think God will understand.

Today was the day I have been waiting for all summer, and it wasn't just because my husband and daughter were leaving for a three day backpacking trip to a remote island, although it was an added bonus. No, today was special because the weather exhibited the first turn towards Autumn, my favorite season of the year.

I love summer for about two weeks, and then I am ready for the heat, the humidity (terrible for a curly-haired girl), and the bright sunshine that washes out every color, all to go away.

This morning I woke to change in the air; the humidity had disappeared overnight, the temperature was the perfect 68 degrees, and the breeze...oh how I have missed the breeze. Throw open the windows and let it in.

After listening to my husband and daughter go through their packing list for the tenth time, I kissed them both, extracted promises from both of them that they wouldn't kill each other, and sent them on their way.

The next three days were mine. Well actually, mine with Scout and Findley, but the worst they do is bark. Scout was still snoozing downstairs, the life of the aged golden retriever, and well earned. I coaxed Findley into his walking harness with the promise of a car ride and off we set for a walking trail that I had discovered this spring. A trail we can't do in the summer because it is too sunny and too hot.

Today was perfect, a refreshing breeze blowing through the wildflower fields, an amazing cloud display, and not a bead of sweat anywhere on my body.

It took a little time to settle into our pace on the wide paved path, but finally Findley became content with looking for sticks to carry in his mouth, and I could tune in the voice in my head. The voice has been missing the last few weeks, lost amongst the busyness of the final weeks of summer. I could slow my breath and truly see the things around me. The vibrant purples and yellows of the wildflowers, and how the breeze made them dance. The breeze carried the smell of rotisserie chicken on the grill, bringing back pleasant childhood memories of my dad making chicken on the grill for Sunday dinner.

The two hour walk brought more peace than church could have today. I think God will understand.

Waiting

I sit next to my dad in the hospital waiting room. He is awaiting an ultrasound procedure to see if the swelling in his feet and right hand is being caused by a blood clot. A blood clot that could have happened post shoulder surgery. A week into recovery, his shoulder is doing as good as it can being confined in a sling 24/7 for the next eight weeks, but now there is this pesky swelling. He has had blood clots post surgery before, so there is reason to be concerned.

In the corner of the room a suspended television broadcasts The Weather Channel. On the screen are images of the flooding in West Virginia; whole houses floating by in rivers that have overrun their banks, houses where the water has receded but left behind three inches of mud on the main floor, bridges washed away and people stranded at Walmarts and McDonalds, sleeping in store conference rooms and in booths meant for enjoying Big Macs and french fries. On the television the scene changes from the floods of the east to the wildfires of the west; rubble where ten houses once stood, people standing next to the television crews car being interviewed about how they had lost everything, including their cell phones.

As we watch these images, my dad turns to me and says "I wish I had traveled more, seen some of the things you have seen: Yellowstone, Glacier, The Rocky Mountains. But I wouldn't want to travel on those crazy expressways, I would want to take the back roads." In my best loud voice I say "It isn't too late dad, you could still do it." He looks at me and says "Oh Sarah, at 81 it is too late".

They call my dad's name and off he goes for his ultrasound. I rub my right shoulder, feeling the ache of the constantly changing temperatures.

My dad comes back and we wait for the ultrasound results to be read and the decree from his surgeon.

As we pull up in from of my parents' house an half hour later my dad says "I'm sorry I spoilt your day for nothing". I said "You didn't spoil anything, we found out you just need to stay away from salt, and wait for the swelling to go down, and the best part, I got to spend time with you".

Preserving Stories

I am suppose to be working on a writing class assignment that is due tomorrow. But instead I am caught up on something I read in Monday's lesson --- things that touch me are worth writing about.

Something touched me this week...I read that another one of my dear friends is throwing in the towel on her blog. This saddens me; another creative, inspiring voice is exiting the scene. 

I completely understand the need to take a break from blogging now and then. I do it myself at least once or twice a year. I find it refreshing to step back for a short time and experience life without the need to write about it or share it with the world. But eventually I miss this space, miss my readers who are my friends, and most of all I miss the growth that comes from pushing myself within this creative space. 

In early January, I was contacted by Artful Blogging magazine to write an article for them about my blog. They wanted more than the "What Does Blogging Mean to Me" response. They preferred for me to write about a specific event or experience that was significant to my blogging life. Needing some kind of starting point I scrolled through the archives of my posts. What a trip down Memory Lane that was --- seeing past adventures, vacations, creative series like Walk and Click Wednesdays, Backroad Adventures, The Coffee Shop Chronicles. Those posts brought back delightful memories and confirmed the joy of the journey that blogging has taken me on in the past four years. 

I know without my blog, I would not have done most of those things (who am I kidding, I wouldn't have done any of those things). It was the accountability of my blog, sharing my adventures with my readers, pushing myself to learn and get better at photography and writing that kept me going. There is no question that these things have shaped me into who I am today.

Looking back at those old posts, I realized though that the main reason I blog is to document my life, to preserve my stories for my daughter and my future grandchildren. My great-aunt Viola was the family historian on my dad's side of the family. She did a wonderful job keeping all the old photo albums, still, at best I have old disintegrating, black paper photo albums filled with black and white photographs, spidery handwriting labeling a few details under most photographs. But I want to know more; what is my great-aunt's relationship to the guy in the photograph? Were they dating? If so, why didn't they get married? Is that why she remained single her entire life? These are the things I would love to know, but yet will never learn because she passed away over a decade ago. She died before I reached the curious age. 

I want something different for my daughter and her family. I want them to know the stories. Even if something were to happen to my blog someday within the inter web workings, there are still boxes of notebooks in our storage room filled with first drafts and sometimes second drafts of these blog posts and various memoir style essays about my life. I would never have written any of that down if I didn't blog.

I realize that blogging isn't for everyone, and it doesn't need to be, but I sincerely hope that you are doing something to preserve the stories of your life.