Embody

"Dance like no one is watching,

Sing like no one is listening,

Love like you've never been hurt,

Live like it's Heaven on earth."

~Mark Twain

I love self-portraiture photography! I LOVE the shocked look on peoples' faces when I tell them I am taking a self-portrait photography class.

Last year I did quite a bit of self-portrait work with Vivienne McMaster and the various e-courses she offers on the subject. I loved the challenge of figuring out best body angle for the camera. I loved figuring out the technical stuff, i.e. focus, depth of field, perspective, post-processing. I loved the confidence I gained in my skills and myself by doing the work.

So many of the self-portraits I took last year I treasure deeply, especially the ones I took with my dog Scout. Although he is no longer with us, I have these precious photos forever.

This year there hasn't even been a hint of self-portrait photography, not that Vivienne hasn't been offering classes, she has, and I have been tempted by a couple of them, but in the end I always said "no", I wasn't ready. That all changed at the end of October when an email from Vivienne popped into my inbox. She was offering a new e-course called Embody - Getting our whole body into the frame. I personally would prefer to have my whole body in the frame, that fits the story of my photography.

I read the email and immediately signed up. The course started November 1st and ran for fifteen days. The perfect amount of time. The course came with daily encouragement emails, a prompt to work on for the day, and a private Flickr group for sharing our work. I love community.  But I always feel like a masquerader in these groups, I don't struggle with the body issues that many are working through. But...if I am completely honest with myself, I signed up for the full body self-portrait class because I would rather shoot my whole body, positioned the way I know I can to make it look thinner, than take a close-up of my face. Maybe I do belong in this community after all.

Self-portraiture photography is a lot like riding a bike, once you learn you never forget, so it didn't take me long to get back in the swing of it.

It was interesting once I finished the course to look back and see the progression in myself. I started out wearing the same Patagonia fleece everyday, most often either in hiking pants or yoga pants, which given that I am an active outdoor person is a true reflection of me. I incorporated the daily shot into my normal daily routine. But by Day 4, I picked a location with intention, brought my tripod, used my past experience to get great light and good focus. Then by Day 7, I was setting up scenes and picking outfits. The wardrobe selections continued to ramp up from there, the last day I wore one of my favorite outfits. Once the class was done, I went shopping. I shopped with intention, thinking about how an outfit would look in a self-portrait.

I have been toying with the idea of a 52 week self-portrait challenge for 2017, although I had convinced myself this week that that was a dumb idea. I already had a 52 week photography project I was working on, I didn't need two. Then, of course, the next email arrived. Vivienne is doing a year long self-portrait photography class called Body Peace. I am an epic fail at year long classes. But...self-portraiture photography is the reason this blog began in the first place. What if 2017 was the year that I finally completed a year long class because it was the right year long class...

I guess I will be working on those close-up, face issues in eight 15 day e-courses over the next year, or I will be wearing a Burqa for a whole year. Stay tuned...

Being Your Own Beloved

On February 14 - Valentine's Day - I started an on-line self-portraiture photography course that would forever change my photography and my life. The course, Be Your Own Beloved, is taught by the wonderful, kind and compassionate Vivienne McMaster.

Most women that sign up for the course do so because they have negative body and self esteem issues that they are trying desperately to conquer through the help of Vivienne's gentle guiding hand and self-portraiture photography. This is not the reason that I signed up for the class. Over the past two years I have done a ton of self-image work with the help of my personal trainer, and honestly I feel pretty about where I stand. There are always the little things that plague every woman; I would love to lose ten pounds along with most of the female population. I wish my hair would grow faster due to a correcting, super short hair cut I got in September to get rid of layers that are very bad for curly hair. Currently my hair seems to be growing at the pace of a snail, and every six weeks when I go, my stylist seems to cut more off than she leaves. We are still trying to get the shortest layer caught up with the rest of them. Aside from those little things I am in a good place. 

So if I didn't take Vivienne's class for self-image help, why did I take it. I needed a new photographic challenge. I needed to do something that was completely different and that would push me out of my comfort zone. February was a long, cold, snowy month here in Michigan. I had been working diligently on my new photography project "A Year Beside the Water" since the beginning of January, but honestly I was getting very tired of snow and ice being my only subjects in the photos. I needed a new and exciting subject, and I guess that new and exciting subject was going to be me. Adding myself to photos of ice and snow would definitely make them more visually interesting. 

Vivienne started us off slow and gentle, encouraging us to take a photo of our first step in the self-portraiture journey on Day One. From there we slowly progressed until we were willing to put our faces in the frame and then eventually our whole body, that task being the hardest for some of us. I am not new to self-portraiture. I took a couple of on-line classes a few years ago but I never seemed to progress beyond photos of my feet and the way lower half of my body. 

In Vivienne's class all that changed. Within the first week I was putting my face in the frame, even if it was uncomfortably placed there. 

After that first week though, after getting those head shots done, I fell head-over-heels in love with the creative process of self-portraiture. Everyday for 28 days Vivienne would send a creative self-portraiture prompt to my email inbox and my creative mind would immediately start churning out ideas. What could I do for that prompt that was fun, funny or different. 

My favorite prompt was "focus and blur". This is a technique that I will use many times over the coming days, months and years. I had an idea to use these shoes and this skirt for a shot, but it wasn't until the focus and blur prompt that the shot became crystal clear. I still want to tweak this one a little but overall I am very happy with how it turned out. 

Self-portraiture work has greatly enhanced my photography skills. It forces me to find the best light, the right angles, sharp focus, but it has also made me think to put on foundation before I go out of the house, to wear some of the cute clothes in my closet, to actually style my hair into more than the scrunched curls look. It forces me to practice and to be patient, to problem solve and come up with creative solutions. I learned to enjoy the process and to have fun. For all my work I have collected some pretty good photos of myself. Photos that I can use to add to my blog, update my social media profile pictures and to share with class in our Flickr group.

Even though class is over, my self-potraiture work has only begun. I love being able to finally include myself in my stories. The human element speaks volumes. 

I have a long list of creative self-portraiture shots that I want to tackle over the coming months.

I would highly encourage anyone interested in self-portraiture or someone who needs to work on some self love to check out Vivienne's class. The next round starts June 1st. You will be greatly blessed by the openness of the other class participants, and by starting to see yourself with love. Or like me, find all those things plus a great creative challenge that will carry on long past your time in class, and you will finally start including yourself in your story. 

2014 Goals - July thru September

Well here it is the end of June already, half of 2014 is behind me. It's time to take a quick look back at what was on my April thru June goal list and also to see what I learned in the process.

Here is a recap of some of those goals and their results:

• Continue printing my photographs for the walls

This got way laid for the moment due to a cosmetic, color scheme change which all began with the purchase of a new couch back in December.

• Back Roads Adventures - getting out and exploring

I did one Back Roads Adventure in April which was an eye opening experience. I got about an hour from home, I stopped to take a photo of a weathered green shed in a field. I dug around in the back seat for my camera only to realize that my camera was still sitting on the dining room floor at home. 

Wind out of the sails moment. My heart was not in the rest of the adventure. I realized more than just forgetting my camera, I missed people being in my story. A lone venture was no longer fun.

• Read More

I made a goal for myself to read 50 books over the course of 2014. I am at about 20 books so far for the year. I must pick up the pace a little in the second half of this year, or read shorter books :)

• I have cute clothes, wear them other than just weekends

Let me just say Anthropologie is my new favorite store, and yes I wear this stuff during the week as well as the weekends.

• Try some new recipes

I have been making a lot of new salads in June and I see this continuing all summer long.

July - September Goals

• Finish the Living Room, Kitchen, Dining Room Project
• Work through "A Sense of Place" class material
• Finally get that on-line portfolio done
• Update the look of my blog
• Work on more iPhone Photography pieces
• Move college daughter back to college for her final year

My list is a bit smaller this quarter, but hopefully very realistic. I have July to buckle down and get a lot done, because I know August will be busy with college daughter coming home and then moving her back to school.

5 Random Friday Finds

These are the things I found with my friend Jill on our Adventure Day...

Find No. 1

Hi my name is Sarah and I am a journal addict. I pick up new ones that I love whenever I find them. This is going to be the new Coffee Shop Chronicles one, the other one is almost full.

Find No. 2

Vintage Coats. I love the cream colored one, it is from Bloomingdale's, so adorable. The velvet blue one was a little small but worth putting on. Both are smashing with my red rain boots. I love having Jill along as my personal iPhone photographer :)

Find No. 3

Blushing bride. There was a vintage wedding dress and veil. I just had to try the veil on. I got married in 1986, the era of hats. I like the veil better.

Find No. 4

Vintage Gum Ball Machine with gum balls still in it. Bet those don't taste very good anymore.

Find No. 5

A new restaurant and hipster food. No Random Friday would be complete from me without a food find. Excellent restaurant choice and a Sweet Potato and Quinoa Burger. We both sent text messages with pictures to our daughters to torture them. Jill to her daughter because they love to go there together and me to Mallory because she loves hipster food. I will be back in May with Mallory. 

Well Jill did an outstanding job on planning our Adventure Day. I have a tough act to follow. I better start planning now.

Joining Kim for Friday Finds

Joining Nancy for Random 5 Friday

Photo - Heart Connection ~ March

The thing I love best about the Photo - Heart Connection process is that you really have no idea what is doing to be "the" photo until you get to the end of the month and reflect back. I thought for sure mine this month would be from our cruise, one of the beautiful photos I shot inside one of the churches on Jamaica. Instead it is this photo, that created an epiphany moment and a story.

Ugly Clothes

Ugly clothes. We all have ugly clothes, only we call them comfy clothes.  You know what they are, the baggy sweatpants and the two sizes too large, concert t-shirt in death pallor gray from 1995, the saggy butt jeans that you reserve for that one week a month, but are soon wearing every week of the month, because they are so comfortable. We wear these ugly clothes at home because nobody is going to see us and we want to be comfortable while cleaning the house or doing laundry. But somewhere along the way the line gets crossed. You need to run to the grocery store quick a minute for eggs for the chocolate chip cookie batter that you have already started. You are in your comfy clothes but you figure "I'll be quick, no one will see me" and nobody that you know does, this time. You make it back home unscathed, it wasn't so bad. The next thing you know you are getting all your groceries in your comfy clothes and the downward spiral begins.

I have a question for you though. If you were to stand in front of a three way mirror in the dressing room of your favorite clothing store in your comfy clothes how would you feel? My guess is that you wouldn't feel very pretty, or happy, or creative. What are those ugly/comfy clothes doing for you then?

These are the hard questions I started asking myself. This has been a month long light bulb moment starting with some dress shopping at our local Anthropologie store and calumniating with the train car photo above. 

I stood in front of the 3-way mirror in the dressing room of the Anthropologie store in a teal floral, endlessly flattering, perfectly lady like, always ready for a party, dress. I felt beautiful. I twirled and paraded back and forth in front of that mirror like I had never worn a pretty party dress before. Maybe I hadn't, at least not one that made me feel like this. 

My husband and I were getting ready to leave for a week long cruise and I really wanted a new dress to wear for one of the formal nights on the ship. I had found the one. As luck would have it, I found another as well, one that also made me feel pretty, and happened to be in the clearance room, that helped to justify the first one. Isn't it funny how we always have to justify everything to ourselves. 

I had found a couple of cute skirts the weekend before for some of the other nights. As I started to pack I was excited to be wearing these new things. I put a lot of thought into my wardrobe for the trip. There were no ugly/comfy clothes in the suitcase. 

The trip was great, each day going to my suitcase or the closet to decide what adorable ensemble I was going to wear. 

Then we came home, all the cute clothes went in the laundry and out came the ugly clothes again. As that first week home went on I began to have a yearning for those cute new clothes. I liked how I felt in them, I liked how I looked in them. I didn't like how I felt in the ugly clothes. 

Sunday morning, getting ready for church, I took the time to put on a cute outfit. Purple sweater dress, black leggings and tall black boots. Final touch, my long red and black plaid dress coat, very cute with the boots. 

Driving to church by myself, my husband had to be there early for praise band practice, I saw this boxcar and knew I had to stop and use my iPhone to get a photo of it. I could picture the finished result in my head.

Standing in a muddy field in my red and black plaid coat and my long black boots was when the epiphany happened. I felt like a photographer, I felt creative, I didn't care that people were looking at me as they drove by on their way to church. I felt pretty. I wish somebody could have taken a photograph of me in that moment to document the transformation.