Fear of getting caught somewhere I wasn't suppose to be. Fear of the climb up, no ski lift taking me to the top here. Fear of getting lost once up there. Just plain Fear.
This past October I looked that Fear straight in the face and said "I am done with you!". So I gathered up my courage, followed the two track path up the side of the mountain and climbed.
Once up there I texted Glen, who had gone out for a run, "I am on top of Sugarloaf. Tomorrow we are coming back up here together. It is awesome."
With my courage documented I set off to explore. My courage was greatly rewarded.
Sugarloaf Ski Resort has been closed for more than a decade. Closed suddenly to business and money problems. Over the years there have been many rumors of new owners and the resort being restored, so far they have been just that, rumors.
In its hey day in the 70's and 80's, I remember all the kids that skied talking about going to Sugarloaf.
So the first time I saw Sugarloaf five years ago I was quite shocked. This is what it had become. In those early years I was brave enough to walk around the buildings and peek in windows. Beds still made with sheets, blankets and bedspreads. Old tube style televisions sitting on top of the dressers. Layers of dust everywhere.
Even in those early years before I knew what I was doing with a camera, and while I held on to Fear. I could feel the stirrings inside me, the desire to explore and photograph abandoned, decaying, forgotten things.